most boring post ever

For those of you wondering where I've been, I came down with some mysterious illness, Ebola or something I think. I feel much better now, and am heading for the gym today. Being ill gave me a little time to think. Okay, that didn't really happen. My kids never would allow that. But anyway, re-reading my original posts, I think I went a little off course. Originally I conceived of a Blog about my life, a life somewhere between Conan the Barbarian and the Osbourne's ("Sharon, have you seen my protein powder? Not the pre-workout but the bloody post-workout") Before you take me off your lists, never fear , I will still keep blogging about my insane past, present, and future. Just not all the time.
I said this would be the most boring post ever. I say this because today I am catching everyone up about me. You have found me somewhere in the middle of a comeback. I used to be a personal trainer and bodybuilder (hate that phrase "used to be") , but after a personal holocaust in 2005 I lost everything. Now I am on a mission to get it all back, and so far I have.
Actually not quite. During my "dark time" I lost 35 pounds (mostly muscle). I have since gained twenty back and am starting to get back to normal (my version of normal).
Yes, this is my comeback. Think Rocky 3 . Rocky has it all,but he takes it for granted. A young Mr. T comes along and kicks the crap out of him. Apollo comes back and takes Rocky to a rat infested gym in east L.A. to help him get the "eye" back. You get the idea, add two little kids and that's me.
Quickly I'll dispel some misconceptions about my chosen sport and me. 1. NO, I'm not on any drugs including steroids. What this means is that I will never be a professional bodybuilder, because Yes, they all are juiced out of their minds. I know. 2. I hate the question "how much can you bench" I don't know, don't care. I'm a bodybuilder not a powerlifter. I would rather look good than actually do something useful like pick up heavy things (Steph: prima donna)
3. I don't really care about your workout program. I have other interests other than bodybuilding. Ask me about the kids or politics or religion. I am more than a pretty face (that was for Stephanie). Well actually that's not true, if any of you guys have workout questions, ask.
I will also start Fitness Friday tomorrow, but that is mostly to rant about current training, blow off some steam.
4. We are not all self absorbed mindless freaks. Well ok that might be kind of true.
I guess having a dad like me is sort of ,well..different. We get up most mornings and have our traditional breakfast, oatmeal and egg whites. We then do a little yoga to wake up. After this its on to the bathroom where Dad shaves body hair and then Dad and kids practice most muscular shots and front double biceps shots. Then, off to the gym. The kids by the way love the gym. Its a huge kids room with an indoor jungle gym ( a must for Arizona in the summer) movies, video games and other kids to play with. We then come home eat lunch, pick up, you know normal stuff. Later this year we'll add tanning salon. Later we have dinner. Yes, we have a lot of boneless skinless chicken breasts and rice. But hey, I know twenty different ways to cook chicken and rice so no one is being deprived here, buddy. Kids go to bed, wife goes to bed, on to dinner number two. Usually same as number one, but bigger portions.
I suppose everyone reading this is bored senseless. Where's the biting sarcasm? Where's the humiliating story? Where's the explosion? I promise, more of that will follow. I just wanted a frame of reference. Or maybe I still feel the effects of the Ebola.